Do You Truly Know How to Love Yourself?

Practicing self-love can be challenging for many of us, especially in times when we face serious challenges, but self-love is a necessity for everyone.

Growing up as a child, I was exposed to everything but love. I saw my mother and sister in relationships that reeked of desperation, disrespect, infidelity, abuse…the list goes on and on. Subconsciously, I began to believe that those things were okay, that it was normal for a man to not value you…all because I wasn’t shown how to value myself first. So, what is love?

Love is the highest vibration we have. Nothing negative or low vibrating can be associated with love. Love is supportive, love is nurturing. Love can take you to the highest of the highs and allows you to get to that next level.

From an internal perspective, which we believe is the most important, love includes how you treat self. Are you healthy? Do you talk to yourself in a positive way? Do you see yourself in a positive light? It’s only when you are in love with self that you can truly give and receive true love. Remember, Queens, our external environment is a reflection of our internal environment. Everything mirrors itself.

It’s important that we never get so wrapped up in loving others that we forget to love ourselves first. Spend time with yourself. Learn to see the beauty in yourself. Learn to enjoy time spent with your own thoughts rather than shying away from them.

Loving yourself can range from learning about your own needs and how to meet them, to acknowledging your value and self-worth, to embracing everything about yourself—the good and the bad.

“Self-love” is a popular term today that gets tossed around in normal conversation nowadays. Have you ever heard:

“If you only loved yourself, this wouldn’t have happened to you.”

“Why don’t you love yourself?”

“You can’t love another person until you love yourself first.”

“You have to love yourself more.”

What is “self-love,” then? Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our shortcomings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life’s purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

You can only love a person as much as you love yourself. The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for other healthy relationships. Even more, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well-being.

When people start to love themselves more each day, it’s amazing how better their lives get. They feel better. They get the jobs they want. They have the money they need. Their relationships either improve, or the toxic ones disappear, and new ones begin. It’s super simple.

Life is a journey of self-discovery. During this journey, we have the ability to go within and learn who and what we really are and to know that we have the ability to change for the better by loving and taking care of ourselves.

It’s not selfish to love ourselves. It clears us so that we can love ourselves enough to love other people.

Unfortunately, many of us will not love ourselves until…we lose the weight, or get that job, or get that raise, or a boyfriend, or whatever. We often put conditions on our love, but we can change. We can love ourselves as we are right now! We are the power we have been seeking.

We are in charge of our lives. Today is the day you can love yourself totally with no expectations.

Love is something we can choose, the same way we choose anger, or hate, or sadness. We can choose to forgive someone who has hurt us and begin to finally heal. We can choose to be grateful for what we have. We can choose love. It’s always a choice within us. So, let’s begin right now in this moment to choose love.

Here are some ways to start your journey to a loving relationship with yourself:

Act on what you need rather than what you want.

You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.

  1. Be grateful. Practice gratefulness and regularly count your blessings. When you’re grateful for the things you have, no matter how small they may be, you will see those things instantly increase. Try writing out the following sentence for ten items you’re grateful for every day. I am truly blessed to have _____________ because _____________(why?). You will immediately start loving yourself more when you realize all the things you’re grateful for in your life.

  2. Be kind to yourself. You may have hurts, emotional pain, and shortcomings. Learn to accept yourself, flaws and all, even if your family and/or previous partners may have berated you about your inadequacies. We tend to be harsh on ourselves, often because the people who were supposed to love us didn’t.

  3. Embrace yourself. Are you content being alone by yourself without feelings of anxiety, fear, and judgment? You may have to go within and seek solace in yourself to be comfortable in your own skin. Practice moments of alone time and be aware of how you treat yourself. Learn to embrace solitude and allow yourself to be mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. Periods of introspection, silent meditations, journaling, and sharing your feelings with supportive friends may help you be more aware of who you are. The process of loving yourself starts with understanding your true nature.

  4. Feel the love within you and be that love. Try loving and positive affirmations. Nourish your soul through a love-kindness meditation or spiritual practices that help you feel compassion and love towards yourself. Once you feel vibrations of self-love or the peace of positive affirmations, try to be in that place of love throughout your day. Focus on your many positive qualities. Focus on your strengths, your abilities, and your admirable traits. Let go of harsh judgments, comparisons to others, and self-hatred. When you can see yourself as the Queen you are, the damaging internal dialogue doesn’t hold up.

  5. Forgive yourself. We can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept the fact that you are not perfect before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures if you’ve learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.

  6. Give yourself a break. No one is perfect. Be willing to embrace your imperfections and excuse your bad days. Don’t set such high standards for yourself emotionally and mentally. It’s normal to feel sadness and pain and to hit some low points in life. Allow yourself to embrace these emotions without judging yourself for them.

  7. Give yourself in service to others. When you think about kindness toward others and being love to others, you open the door to divine love. When you’re being kind, considerate, compassionate, and giving of yourself, your soul will rejoice. You’ve reached the highest level of self-love in this state of serving others. Find ways to do small and large tasks to assist those living in your house, neighborhood, or community. Practice conscious acts of kindness and giving. The love you’re sharing with others in the form of service will help you feel more love and fulfillment in your life. You’ll realize you don’t need someone else to feel complete you. You are complete.

  8. Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions to do this.

  9. Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy, and healthy social interactions.

  10. Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away your light. You will love and respect yourself more.

  11. Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say “no” to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally, and spiritually or is not a true reflection of who you are.

Why Is It So Important to Love Yourself?

Being in love with yourself provides you with self-confidence, self-worth, and it will generally help you feel more positive. If you can learn to love yourself, you will be much happier and will learn how to best take care of yourself. When you are truly in love with yourself and happy, you should stop comparing yourself to others so much and should find yourself more confident, not worrying as much about what others think.

When we love ourselves in a healthy way, we learn how to love others more effectively.

“When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily.”

Gautama Buddha

In time, healthy self-care will become a habit. Discover self, fall in love with self, continue to love on self…we promise you won’t regret it, Queens. Happy healing, Queen!

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