Forgiveness is Understanding, Not Justification

We, at Queens Healing Queens, have taught ourselves the art of understanding. It’s one of the most frequently used tools in our Healing toolkit.

When you are surrounded by negativity, it is so easy to approach the situation from a surface level. But, when you start to ask why…you unlock the lessons that needs to learned.

In our relationships, learning to put ourselves in someone’s else shoes does not excuse their behavior. If they hurt you in any way, of course, their actions are wrong. But, if you start to ask why…why is this person like this? Why do they think the way they do? You are able to remove yourself from the situation, stop being the victim, and take your control back as you look at it from a much higher perspective. All of us are scarred, and many of us carry that into adulthood. You have a lot of people locked in at a certain age from when they were kids, who are now trying to navigate through the world as an “adult.” What happened to us as children is no fault of our own. At that time in our lives, we had no control over what happened to us. We put complete trust in the adults in our lives, and, unfortunately, they did not or could not protect us from the world. But, the truth is, the blame stops there. We now have to take responsibility for what we choose to do in our lives as adults. If this was a relay race, we have taken the baton filled with negativity and stagnation and ran with it.

It’s such a chain reaction. Like we always say, “hurt people hurt people.” So, how do we break the cycle and heal ourselves in the process?

Understanding that leads to forgiveness.

To understand why someone does what they do, bare minimum creates awareness for that person. And, from awareness, the action to correct can grow. Don't get this misconstrued though, is not your job to "fix" anyone. Understanding releases you from the situation, not bind you to this other person's problems.

If we walk around like people just aren’t shit…we are number 1, manifesting that reality into our own lives, but we are also failing to ask why. When you learn more about those around you, you are guaranteed to learn even more about yourself. And, isn’t that what’s it’s all about anyway?

Knowing how to properly and effectively forgive is a superpower. It is extremely difficult for some people to wipe the slate clean when someone does something to hurt them, while others will forgive absolutely anything. How can we find a middle ground?

Knowing how to forgive doesn’t mean forgetting what others did to us with no regard for our feelings. It’s important to learn how to leave anger behind without justifying the unjustifiable.

“Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives. It’s not in his nature.”–Laurence Sterne

How to use balanced forgiveness to improve your emotional well-being:

  1. Forgiveness begins from within. Learning how to forgive doesn’t mean that we don’t care what others do to us. It allows us to let go of the initial irritation or annoyance. Those feelings can quickly turn into anger, which negatively affects our life. Forgiveness helps us let go of what happened while taking steps to protect our future selves from what harmed us in the first place.

  2. Forgiveness is understanding love. We think often about forgiving others, but we have the bad habit of forgetting to forgive ourselves. The truth is that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, so it’s important that we understand this because so often we hold ourselves to standards that are impossible to reach. This leads to frustration, anxiety, and feeling angry with ourselves. If we have done something that we think is wrong, what can we do? Stop obsessing over it and, instead, find a solution! The point is to disrupt the thought pattern that leads us to dead ends. Instead, find a proactive way to fix the problem. There are really two options: fix what we did wrong, or if there is no way to fix it, think about what we can do better in the future to avoid making the same mistake.

Learning to listen to our emotions will give us clues on how to act. That way we can learn to set boundaries with others and protect our own peace. It’s not about pointing fingers, but rather fairly dividing accountability. Before you forgive someone else just like that, we recommend you talk about their behavior, everyone’s expectations, and the preferred outcome. It is really all about balancing our needs with the needs of others.

We all need to learn that we can’t experience the full joy of life if we don’t let go of all resentments because it is in truly letting go that we make space for peace and fulfillment. Happy healing, Queen! #rp #share #queenshealingqueens #mysisterskeeper #wegotus

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