When your relationship is over, it’s hard to get used to the idea of new beginnings. No matter how amicable, divorce can leave you depressed, lonely, struggling financially, and wondering, Now, what?
Even though it may not seem like it now, let us tell you, Queen, there is life after divorce.
Here are 12 tips to help rebuild your life:
1. Let yourself grieve.
The breakup of a marriage is like a death, so it’s natural to mourn the life and lifestyle you’ve lost—even if the separation was for the best. Let go bit by bit.
2. Keep a journal.
Writing about your emotional struggles may reduce some of the pain. If nothing else, journaling every few days tracks your healing, and it provides perspective in a clear and simple way. You can take a look at where you were and where you are now as you inspire yourself.
3. Lean on friends.
Rely on close friends to prevent you from doing anything crazy, like drunk dialing your ex, slashing their tires, subbing them on social media, or harassing their new significant other.
When people get hurt, they don’t think, so let your squad keep you from falling off the edge.
4. Seek professional support.
Your girls are great for figuring out how to jump-start your new life, but it’s better to talk with a therapist, life coach, or spiritual advisor. Divorce is a process, and having a professional outline one that fits you is very useful.
5. Reinvent yourself.
When you’ve been one-half of a couple, losing that role can make you question who you are. The ‘we’ doesn’t exist anymore, so, now, it’s time to connect with self.
How? To start off with, list the things you like about yourself that are separate from your former role as wife/partner. What are your strengths and unique attributes? When are you at your best? What do you value about yourself? These questions can start you on the next chapter in your life.
6. Make new friends.
After your divorce, you may feel like the odd woman out in a boo’d up world. That’s why you’ll need new single friends. You’re a part of a different social pool now, so surround yourself with similar people.
Besides, hanging out with new people means less time spent on dwelling on painful memories and feelings. The more time invested in negativity about your ex means less time spent working on you.
Of course, it’s super important to vent—it’s an important part of healing—but avoid people who keep recycling that.
7. Start dating again.
How do you know if it’s too early to put yourself out there? If it feels good, it’s time to get back out there, so ask your girls to set you up or go online to a few reputable dating sites, which offer a sea of potential new baes.
Just remember to keep it light and have fun. You don’t need to find a soul mate, just someone to kick it with.
8. Get your groove back.
Once you’re dating, there’s the possibility of sex—a prospect that’s both exciting and frightening, especially if you’ve only been intimate with your ex, or it’s been years since you were in a singles world.
Many women are afraid to be naked with someone else, especially if they were shocked by the divorce and never saw it coming. The first step: Get reacquainted with your body.
9. Get smart with your finances.
Even if you paid the bills while you were married, get up to speed on money matters—fast. Taking charge of money is the key to feeling in charge again.
10. Make a bucket list.
Divorce offers the opportunity to rediscover old and new interests that you let go when you were married. In any relationship, no matter how good, we give up parts of ourselves. Now, it’s all about you, Queen. Now, you have the opportunity to rebuild your life in ways you never even imagined.
11. Celebrate being single.
Once your divorce is finalized, celebrate the occasion. Take a trip with your girls, family, or by yourself or throw a divorce party.
Divorce is a process of going through the darkness and coming out the other side; it’s a celebration that marks that you’re moving forward with your new life.
Rebuilding your life after divorce is a scary and sometimes overwhelming process. So much has changed, and you're probably struggling with a lot of negative emotions. The good news is that you won't always feel this way forever, and you will eventually move past all the drama of the divorce. Happy Healing, Queen!
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