In many of our relationships, we see love confused with attachment. Love is the highest vibration there is, so if you’re dealing with lying, infidelity, insecurity, disrespect, etc., it is safe to say that neither you nor your partner are operating out of love. So, what is it then?
Attachments are established in early childhood and continue to shape our relationships into adulthood. They influence how each of us react to our own needs and how we go about getting them met. When we have secure attachments, we are confident and self-possessed and are able to easily interact with others, meeting both our own and other’s needs. But, when you have an anxious or avoidant attachment, you will most likely choose someone who isn’t the ideal choice to make you happy.
For example, you may feel that, in order to get close to someone and have your needs met, you need to be with your partner all the time to get reassurance. To support this perception of reality, you choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. The person with a dismissive/avoidant attachment pattern has the tendency to be distant because they believe that the way to get their needs met is to act like they don’t have any. They then choose someone who is more possessive or overly demanding of attention.
Why Is This Important?
Love requires an ability to trust your partner. To engage in a loving relationship, you must be generous enough to give affection and emotionally secure enough to receive it. Love, when built from a secure attachment, is based on your feelings for your partner. Anxious and avoidant attachments have little to do with your significant other. They revolve around your own unresolved feelings and unmet emotional needs. This is not true love. These relationships are driven by selfishness, fear, and control. Rather than empowering each other, unhealthy attachments can trap you in a relationship that is emotionally draining and unfulfilling.
Remember, Queens, selfish love hurts, and selfless love heals. Refuse to settle for a love that hurts. You deserve better than that.
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